MishaI think a lot of us are wondering this. We see women in amazing positions, Beyoncé (as in THE Beyoncé), Halle Berry, Cardi B the list goes on! They all seem to end up with dogs. Even in the LGBT+ community, we’re sick of the studs and the gays are tired of men too.
This is not to say women don’t cheat, that discussion is for another day because you know we can take it to hell. But still, we start to think there’s no hope. Because if it can happen to them, why wouldn’t it happen to me?
I’ve been following Christine Elizabeth, The Finance Baddie for over a year now and I’ve been hooked. She was everything I wanted to be (and still is). Twenty-eight, hot, intelligent, a disciplined babe with boundaries, a great career, and of course she made the baddest bride. It was a time!
Until one day she shared that she was getting divorced. Married at 28, divorced at 29.
Now I paused for this one because what the hell? What the helly? Nothing could have prepared me for that. Every new part of her story she shared got worse and worse, and I don’t even know how she survived that marriage in the first place, but I’m genuinely happy she’s getting divorced. I applaud her vulnerability, it takes real courage to break generational curses and walk away.
I highly recommend checking out her page and story yourself. You’ll need to sit down for it. She recently shared that same worry we all have: if it can happen to her, the full package that she is, why wouldn’t it happen to me?
Wrong.
Cheating has never had anything to do with the person getting cheated on. It’s the cheater. As someone who has been cheated on in the most disrespectful ways, blamed myself for it, and even tried to convince myself it wasn’t that bad, let me say this loud and clear: it is not your fault.
When someone steps out of a relationship, that’s a choice. People don’t just trip and fall on someone’s lips or worse. It’s a conscious decision with consequences. Christine said it best:
Cheating is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
Cheating can break you. It broke me, and I thought I was above all that heartbreak stuff. Letting yourself be in love, in my opinion, is the biggest risk you can take. You’re giving someone your heart, the power to cherish it or destroy it into a million pieces. Falling for the wrong person, a narcissist for example, is something you need to clock onto and run. It’s not your job to wait on potential or fix anyone. Let the professionals handle that, you’re doing them a disservice at your own expense!
I could sit here and talk about how you should make someone earn your love or play hard to get, blah blah blah. But let’s face reality: there is no secret formula to get someone to act right. If a person has no intention of showing love or loyalty, save yourself the time, drama, and heartbreak by moving on. You can’t make someone do something that isn’t in their nature, because then you’ll be forcing it for the rest of your life. Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who just is that person? Someone whose bare minimum and love language come naturally?
Knowing someone’s default settings is great, but knowing yours is even more important. Before you end up in a relationship, have one with yourself.
Already having a relationship with herself, Christine remembered who she was and that she is The Finance Baddie. Knowing yourself and keeping yourself financially independent is the best way you’ll always be able to choose yourself every single time. She has chosen herself and now her consistency with her health, content, and courses is inspiring. She’s on a roll! There is no way that is easy but she has made her choice and she as always, is standing on business.
I’m excited to see her continue to grow from someone who tried to destroy her and to find love true love this time. BET, this is not the end of her love story, it’s just a new beginning.
So, what’s your love language? Your expectations? Your boundaries?
I’ll always advocate for boundaries. I honestly believe they’ve saved my life. Most people don’t do this work until they’re already too deep and hypnotised by genitalia to notice the red flags waving in their face. Even when they do, they still stay. I fear many are more afraid of being alone than of being unhappy.
As a girl who’s been living my life in solitude and unconscious abstinence, I get it. I’m alone — a lot and I’ve had no choice but to fall in love with it. When I’m in a crowd, I crave my peace, my space, my energy. It’s been me and my laptop against the world. It’s not the life I imagined, but it’s the one that makes sense for now.
My heartbreak rocked my jawline. I don’t think people understand how long it can take to recover. Even then, it becomes a kind of trauma you have to learn to live with. You don’t need to put your heart on the line for the plot. Especially if you’re not built like that. If you are? I want to hear all about it. As for me, I can barely stand people, so I’m happy to take a seat.
More importantly, you don’t have to learn every lesson the hard way. People have already been through hell, listen to their stories and take notes. Because as they say, if you don’t listen, you must feel.
There’s no guaranteed formula for winning in love apart from two people genuinely on the same page.
Read that last part again.
