MishaEver sat back down and reflected on your life, only to realise you’re living in a loop? Mine was so bad that even on my Snapchat memories, I’d see that, on the exact same day the year before, I had the same hairstyle and outfit. It’s happened a few times now, and honestly, it’s the scariest thing ever.
Having physical proof that you’re living life in a circle, not evolving as a person is more than enough reason to change. I was making the same choices over and over again by the season. Then I had the nerve to wonder why my life was the way it was. I had nothing that I truly desired, and I had nobody to blame but myself.
Operating From the Wrong Identity
It was all because I was operating from the same identity. A view of myself that never truly belonged to me just a combination of my “village.” Those who wanted the best for me but traumatised me at the same time. As a hypersensitive individual, I had created a shell around myself.
I had to step back and ask: what is the identity I want to operate from? Because who I had become simply wasn’t me.
Reading The Identity Switch by April Mason was like gentle parenting. It helped me realise that my programming wasn’t my fault, but my responsibility to heal. After all, the only person I was truly hurting was myself.
All the decisions I had made kept leading me to the same point of never having what I wanted. I was trying to find comfort while being completely out of alignment with my purpose. It wasn’t working and that was a good thing. I wasn’t meant to be there in the first place.
This all sounds straightforward, but I really had to process it. Finding something out and realising the depth of it usually happen on entirely different timelines. I realised the voices in my head weren’t even mine.
By some miracle, I learned to meditate. Honestly, I thought meditation was a joke but one day it randomly clicked.
Being able to get into a state where I could separate myself and actually watch the chaos in my head without judging myself was eye-opening. It’s like a massive conference gone wrong everyone has the same objective, and each thought isn’t right or wrong, it’s just influenced by emotions, trauma, and other people.
I had to silence the noise and ask: what do I actually want? Once my real voice spoke to me, I remembered what April had discussed.
BOUNDARIES
This is a big one. Boundaries can make or break who you are.
As a bred people-pleaser, I had none. Growing up, my voice was silenced, sticking up for myself was always punishable, and unconsciously I learned to operate from fear. I became a grown-up doormat, and everyone was wiping their shoes on my face.
It wasn’t always in a horrible way, it was simply because I let them. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Never putting yourself first, always put yourself down, and go out of your way for others is not heroic, that’s self-abandonment.
Setting boundaries with people who have always known you as a give, give, giver is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I lost a lot of people, not that I had many to begin with, simply because I wanted to respect and put myself first.
It sounds selfish because it is, but it’s also necessary.
Grace Over Perfection
Sometimes I wanted to crawl back to my old ways, but the only person it would cost was me. Boundaries too, if you bend them trust me, people will remind you why you set them in the first place. A key element I had to give myself was grace.
Bad habits die hard. Operating from the same identity for decades doesn’t wipe away overnight. We are wired for survival, and sometimes that means negativity, because our brains think that’s what will keep us safe. In reality, it just keeps us comfortable.
And you’ve heard it before:
No growth happens in the comfort zone.
Jocko Willink
The human mind is the biggest obstacle you will ever face. Once you get through that, you can get through anything.
Habits That Align With Identity
To change your behaviours and life outcomes boils down to your habits. Your habits stem from your identity.
If your identity is summed up as, “when I feel like it,” chances are you’re not getting much done. You need to affirm who you are:
“I am a woman disciplined enough to get my tasks done.”
“I am a woman who loves herself enough to make the right choices.”
Once you start affirming who you really are, it becomes easier to recognise the bad habits that aren’t aligned
Micro Shifts…
Even starting outwardly with little things makes a difference. I tried experimenting with colour. After all I am not Wednesday Adams, colour doesn’t hurt. All my memories consisted of me with the same thing French tip (it eats too good), jet black hair and worst cases like mentioned, the same black or nude outfit.
I decided to go bold, so I dyed my hair blonde. Well, I didn’t dye it I waxed it! I used As I am in honey blonde and after it dried wow. I was me, but I shifted! After feeling uncomfortable, I fell in love with colour and even missed it when I wash day came.
Nothing wrong with black hair, a French tip or a dark outfit but sometimes you need to see a little change to believe it. It was fun stepping out of my comfort zone and jazzing up my avatar. The same goes for other changes, like your environment, going to places alone, doing things you said you were going to do. All these micro actions help you get to that 180 Identity Switch.
This book was a great reflective read that pushed me to look deeply within. April Mason carries an aura of confidence and humility, and she shares it authentically through her writing.
I’d recommend this book to anyone feeling stuck in a loop and craving change. It’s not about becoming someone else it’s about reclaiming the person you were always meant to be.
Are you ready to check yourself into becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be?
Check out April Mason’s Identity Switch and let me know what you think.
