MishaEver my biological clock struck 25, I thought things weren’t supposed to change as much. To be fair, they haven’t… but it’s as if the streets are whispering. Their whispers have become so loud now that everyone has now said “f*ck it we are just going to get straight to the point now.”
My mum may have sent me a meme or two. I laughed it off because I don’t even know why she’s sending me things about having her grandchildren like I don’t have siblings. Have you seen the state of me? Then my aunty suggested a non-urgent talk. When she finally got me alone, talks of a guy from her church emerged and I quickly figured out where the conversation was going. If that wasn’t enough, my dad’s friend is damn near ready to package me and ship me off to Nigeria because my dad’s “assets need to be seen.” I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now…
When are you getting married?????
You know, the funniest part about this is my dad’s friend beat him to this talk with me. I was wondering what the all this urgency has been about, the sudden desire to sit down with me, no explanations just pure BTS as if they need to plan to cut the right wire so I don’t blow up. Just when I thought I’d gotten away peacefully with having no social life, it appears that this sector of my life has been a brewing cause for concern amongst several of my family members.
In my defence, this simply isn’t my fault. With friendship traumas being another chapter in self, my everlasting healing journey in solitude (my ex signed me out of the game for real) and my asexual status, I just don’t give a damn. I mean for the most part. There was a time in my life where I longed for someone… but you guessed it! They didn’t exactly show up did they. I may or may not have accepted the possibility of being alone forever but as I said, I’m not to blame.
Another line of my defence is that nobody talks to me, and I mean nobody. I think I get “moved to” on an annual basis and even then it’s someone who looks like a pigeon. I feel like that one time I put it out there into the universe that I wanted somebody, ANYBODY to talk to me that was the only time I was taken literally. Why can’t I get this same energy when I ask anything useful but I digress as usual! Before you jump to conclusions or solutions, yes, I do leave my house, no, I’m not jumping on a dating app and no I do not look like a cockroach if I do say so myself. I’ve just never seen a guy and thought yeah that’s a bit of me. These things literally don’t occur to me and even if they did, who is to say I’d ever make a move anyway? I’m not built like that. You can do the maths backwards and forwards all of these put together equal singleton.
The pressure is getting wessa
Everyone, especially my elders, are more invested in my love life than I am. We need to get into ethnic parents and the sudden expectations of being able to mingle. How do you go from being on the verge of being crucified for talking to the opposite sex to the sudden expectations of having someone come for a blessing? I mean the hell is that about. I am very much an individual who takes things very literally by nature, raised by fear and with a sprinkle of abandonment issues, all of which did not equipped me for the streets.
Speaking of which, what is going on there? I’m not even in the streets, I’m peeping through the blinds and might I say, its looking rather ghetto. When I was younger, I always had this idea of being rescued. Disney is the blame of course. Call me a romantic but now my ideal situation is looking like having a non-dangerous stalker who jumps through hoops to prove that they actually like me, picks me up from my bedroom window and the rest is history. Cliche? Who cares? Clearly not me because I am not even joking I am not moved by anything, at all. It’s like my asexual superpower. A blessing and a curse. Protecting me from the unlimited nonsense this world has to offer but also literally cock blocking me from feeling anything. At all. So when I peep out my blinds and I am seeing grown men claiming to be the prize… I’m simply stopping before I start and going to bed. Some call it giving up to soon, I call it saving myself the misery.
50/50 or 100/100?
During my aunt’s attempt to convinced me that I am not actually allergic to men, she expressed her distain for the 50/50 relationship debate being pushed on social media. I honestly can’t believe this is still a conversation in the first place we all need to move on. From her perspective and life experience, my uncle has always taken care of her, she has never had to worry about bills just taking care of the house and the kids. If I’m honest, it shows, she’s always looked very well. I love that for her, and I’d love that for myself. I honestly think it is the only way to be present during marriage and motherhood.
Is it bad to say I don’t want to be superwoman? The woman carrying the bills, house, hubby AND children on top! I just want to max out the adventures of my career and entrepreneurial aspirations before marriage and then slow down and delegate responsibilities after the ring. My main goal is to enjoy my popping babies era since I want them back to back. Then when my minions are grown, I can give more of my time to my career, businesses and passions.
I know myself so I understand whatever I do I needs flexibility, mostly from home for that perfect life balance. I want to be in a position where I can always put my family first and some 50/50 nonsense is simply not that. That in my opinion, that is not team work but merely a civil partnership. I believe its 100/100 and the masculine and feminine have different strengths to use accordingly to create harmony. That is my all or nothing choice so anything other than that I simply goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t feel I am ready for a relationship in the first place right now, so I am in no hurry, the only real issue with that is time waits for no man.
In my uncle’s words, exactly, I am “ripe and ready, there are 18–24-year-olds, who are fresh, 25-29 who are ripe and after that, I don’t know if it will work anymore. This is the one time in your life where you’re supposed to be doing this.” Very WILD statement I know, but simply the old-fashioned way that refuses to account for women over 30 like they don’t exist. This is hopefully the closest I’ll ever get to talking to Mr Tate himself. You can imagine uproar of laughter when I suggested I will try and for someone when I am 30. Argue with someone about it but the women in their 30s are looking spectacular! It really is the new 20s. It’s honestly given me hope that this state of chronic inflammation is not my prime form and that I get to look better than I do now unlike what the silly social media narrative is pushing. All I have to do is look at the women in my family to know that it’s true. It is absolutely fine to look your age, but everyone looks younger, so that’s my case closed.
A Bridgeton story…
I have binged Bridgeton back to front, I especially love season 2 as the oldest daughter but never did I imagine I would be catapulted into my very own Bridgeton story. The British born and raised ripe 25 year old, who gave up on all chances of finding true love, takes to the streets of Nigeria. Under the wing of her father and uncle she is chaperoned until true love sends a strong message she can no longer deny. Sounds like a banger if I do say so myself. Someone call Netflix! I’m the Nigerian who won’t fck around with the budget I promise. But seriously, I am processing all this live as I write and it’s safe to say sh*t is getting real.
Once upon a time I thought I would have been married by now and honestly I am glad that was a relationship-wreck. Don’t we all sit down and do the maths, career sorted by 22, married and mortgage by 25, first baby by 26… you see reality? Very humbling indeed, just like my credit score. That is why I am so glad I am Gen Z. My saving grace is that this is a generation who doesn’t take life so passively. We are living in times where we can afford to challenge the narrative. People from alL walks in life say who you marry is one of if not the most important decision you will ever make. Why rush? Seriously I know more people from broken homes than I do not and even then all that glitters is not gold.
It has become normalised to marry later in life and I am so happy about this. Especially now going through another awakening, my frontal lobe trying to form and settle. I cannot imagine having actually married the person I was dying with pre-frontal lobe. There is a time to thank God for redirection, it would be for that, no shade, just tea! I have seen amazing relationships of late teens and early 20s and for them I am honestly happy. For everyone else? It’s just a matter of time.
Tick Tock!
A series that really got me thinking about time was the Later Daters on Netflix. This is a dating series where mature people over 50 try to find their person. It was a beautiful insight into the raw emotions and stories of these mature (for the most part) people’s journeys and hopes of finding love. It made me realise that one, maturity really doesn’t always come with age, two, you are so much more than your relationship status and three, you can really be looking for that special person for a long, long time. Are we all doomed for looking for perfection? Does our person really exist or just in our heads? Do most people settle?
There is so much to unfold when it comes to love and my main take away is there is somebody out there for everyone. That is a fact and not from my lala land. If toothless people can find each other then I sure can find my person and you can to. I am in NO position to be giving dating advice, but when it comes to finding the one, I believe they will show up when you least expect it anyway. Let’s hope so at least. Especially when you focus on yourself. Become the version of yourself you would want your ideal person to be with, that YOU fall in love with. I don’t say this to deploy another personal development journey of perfection, just progress. Being the best version of yourself will naturally attract better and this is the route I am taking.
I would love someone to meet me as I am and help uplift me, but my name isn’t Georgina. That is a love story that would silence me from complaints for the rest of my life. In the meantime, we don’t need to abandon ship. Becoming that person is in drive and everything else will fall in place, you never know who you’ll align with when you stay in your lane. Don’t be like me and loose hope too soon, I too am in the process of changing my perspective of dating. I think the key take away is to fall in love with yourself and focus on what you really WANT. Keep that in motion. I am a lover girl at heart, so I hope you and I have a great story for the grandkids. This post better age well and who knows, the next chapter could unveil something for the books.
Is it ever too late to start dating?
Tell me what you think. Either way, if love is late, I’ll still make sure it’s fashionable.
